We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
