Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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