I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
