I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
