11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
