I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
