i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
