She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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