I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude. I can hear the air.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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