You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
