If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
