Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize