If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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