I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
