So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize