I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
