I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
