Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
