I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
