Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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