Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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