You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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