somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
