He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
