I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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