very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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