Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
