While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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