I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
