if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
