It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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