It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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