guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
