when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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