I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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