Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
