apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
