i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
