im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
