things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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