I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
