the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize