i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
