When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
