i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
