dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
