i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
