Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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