There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
