This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The uberlube is also flammable
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
