??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
