why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
