so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
