Where is the hickey?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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