Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
