i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
