i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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