1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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