sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
