Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
BRING THE BAGELS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
